A Family Lawyer in London’s Top Tips for a Fun and Successful Marriage…
Think that a London divorce lawyer giving marriage advice is an oxymoron? Think again. We see relationships in so many stages, from the conceptualisation that begins with discussing a cohabitation agreement or prenup, to divorces where we send a couple off on their way down two different roads. We see why things don’t work and why they do, although sometimes, something just isn’t meant to be.
Whether you’re embarking on a new life together with your significant other, or whether you’ve been together for years and know the value of regular relationship check-ins, here are our top tips for a fun and successful marriage.
Communication is Key, Door, Lock and Everything In Between
It’s hard to overstate how important strong communication is between you and the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with. It’s never too early to establish the right communication patterns, but it can definitely be too late. Unsurprisingly, at 65%, communication issues are the number one reason cited for divorce in a survey of divorce solicitors.
Starting early and asking the big questions like “Do you want kids?”, “What’s your attitude to finances?” and “Where do you see yourself in five years?” can save you a lot of heartbreak when things don’t work out and you’re not where you want to be. This requires great communication patterns from the moment you decide to get serious. For instance, if you’re planning a wedding together, yet don’t know where you’re going to live when you’re married, then it’s time to reevaluate.
Make Sure You Know Your Own Needs — and Each Other’s
It may seem like the antithesis of romance, but one good way to make sure both of you have your needs clearly on the table is to each find a divorce solicitor in London and write out a prenuptial agreement. Lifestyle clauses won’t necessarily stand up in court, but they’re good to set out so you know what each other’s expectations are. If you have children, who does the majority of care? Or do you hire a nanny? What happens to the in-laws if they become infirm — your home or care home?
As this is a trend started by celebrities, who have (there’s no denying) very different lives to us, just make sure you don’t get carried away when adding clauses. Things like how much TV your spouse is allowed to watch a week, or how many times a week you’re expected to be intimate, can quickly lead to resentment. Approach it as a mixture of creating an insurance package when it comes to the legal side and planning your lives together. If the worst ever happens and you split, a prenup should keep things amicable and avoid vicious, expensive court battles.
If it’s all getting too serious, you can always add in something that will make you smile, like “I won’t put my cold feet on you in bed more than twice a week” or “I’ll never wear giant granny underwear, even when I’m in my 80s.” You may get a bit of a curious look from your family lawyer in London, but as long as you both appreciate the joke, that’s what matters.
Have Fun With Each Other — Even if You Need to Schedule it!
When you’re first in a relationship, your world revolves around the other person. Add in ten years, three kids, a mortgage and several baskets of dirty washing and a sink full of dishes and it’s easy to forget to take the time to properly sit down together. When he went undercover and did some sleuthing into why women have affairs, relationship expert Charles J. Orlando observed that the main causes were not feeling appreciated, or that they weren’t being paid attention.
Keeping the romance alive in your marriage and never letting complacency set in is a fantastic way to make sure your satisfaction levels stay high. Even when you’re waist deep in dirty nappies and haven’t showered for a week, as long as you’re still making the effort here and there, the flame will still spark.
Making time for each other can be anything from setting apart time to be intimate in the bedroom, to ensuring you are intimate in your conversations. Find a relative or family friend who can mind the kids for a long weekend every few months and go on a mini break together. This will insure against the ’empty nest syndrome’ seen by divorce solicitors in London as a common cause of break up in middle-aged couples.
After over 18 years of having another person in the house to think about constantly, it’s easy to both change — and when your kids fly the nest, you realise you’re more strangers or flatmates than husband and wife. You may be reluctant to leave your babies in the early days, but you’ll be thanking yourself years from now for taking the time to make the effort.
However happy your marriage may be, there’s always time to sit down and have a talk about how it can be even better. With communication, patience, compromise and a healthy helping of fun, you can go the distance together and become one of those adorable retired couples in the park together, holding hands and laughing at 50-plus years of in-jokes and shared experiences.
~ Guest post with thanks to Clayton Miller with images courtsey of Pixabay ~